Day 10 - Happy Birthday Papa and 1st Communion Red Three! And, I have a momentary freak out...

Friday 5/9/14 - 9pm.

I'm gonna be completely honest...lately I have been feeling so tired and just utterly done! I feel like I'm treading water...not making progress, just exhausting stasis. There are so many sources of stress in my life. Like David said to me when I was trying to explain to him how worn out I was, not only am I dealing with him and his diagnosis, but I have 4 very busy, very messy kids, all my friends (seem to be) coming down with cancer also, so much family drama on both sides of the family. It's so much chaos, with no real end in sight. I'm just plumb wore out. I feel happy to make it from waking up to sleeping without having lost a kid or the house burnt down. Honestly, I'm basically a single parent most days, and it sucks. Not to belittle David at all...but its really just now starting to sink in that even though he's currently not in active treatment, brain cancer, plus all the wonderful poisons they throw at you, really causes a lot of changes. He just doesn't have the energy that he used to. Praise God he is still able to work...and that he was able to almost the entire time he was in treatment. I still can't believe that he was that amazing and determined! His doctors were always shocked to hear he was still working. But, when he makes it home from work, most times he heads straight upstairs to bed. Years of chemo (and some radiation) has just taken a toll on his body. Not to mention that the side effect to pretty much every medication that he's on is, you guessed it, fatigue. And then there's the actual brain cancer/craniotomy after effects, which, surprise, surprise, are often fatigue. It all adds up to a not pretty picture. 

I'm not saying this just to get anyone's sympathy...ok, maybe this is a little bit of a pity party...but I try to be as honest as I'm able on here. And the truth is, living with cancer in the household is not a walk in the park. Some days are totally normal...and others, the walls just feel like they're closing in. 

LOL...OK, so what brought this to mind today? Well, I was so caught up in day to day stuff, that I forgot to get Red Three a 1st Communion present. Amazon kinda to the rescue...I ordered her a little cross necklace, but alas, it's too late for even Prime to rescue me, so it'll get here next week. I also forgot to take her shopping for new dress shoes, so I have no idea what she's gonna wear on her feet. At least I ordered her dress months ago! I just now got the birthday cake out of the oven...I have no idea what I'm going to wear tomorrow...hopefully the other kids have clean clothes. The kids are mad/sad at me because by the time they were done cleaning, they didn't have enough time for movie night. I really, really hope we don't run late in the morning. I hope the kids actually cleaned up the downstairs...and don't mess it up again before the party. I mean, it is just the family, it's not like they haven't seen the disgusting chaos, but it would be nice to have a clean house :) Oh yeah, I told R3 that I'd try to make her a french toast casserole for breakfast...I need to go throw that together.

I feel like having a good cry, a smoke, or a stiff drink! lol

I'm gonna do my darnedest to get everything done tonight...and try as best I can to relax tomorrow. 

Saturday 5/10/14 - 9pm

What a difference 24 hours makes...lol...and the thing is, I knew I'd probably feel so much better the next day. Today was a wonderful, beautiful day with just about zero stress. I decided not to worry about the house, or anything, just enjoy all the moments. I almost deleted the first part of this post...but I figured, what the heck, I'll let it all hang out! ;) Don't worry, I ran it past David beforehand, just to make sure he was OK with my bluntness...;)

First off, here's my outfit...well, the top part anyways...there's a better shot of the full length dress lower down.

I found this awesome sparkly cardigan at, where else, the thrift store...I love it!

And my topknot :)

Down to business - Red Three's 1st Communion! I had found her the most perfect dress on Ebay for her months ago. I ordered a size 7...and she was swimming in it! Thankfully she did actually grow some (even if she is still a peanut) and it was only slightly big for her. It was such an old-fashioned princess dress...perfect for my girly girl! She had some sparkly shoes that were only a little big...and the dress was so long it covered up her feet, so I didn't have to worry about that! ;) Continuing the tradition, she wore my wedding tiara just like her sisters did. I actually woke up pretty bright eyed even earlier than I needed to, so my morning was fairly relaxed. I threw the french toast casserole in the oven, picked out an outfit, browsed hairstyles with Red Three, fixed her hair, got all the kids ready and out the door by 9:25, no sweat.

My princess

She picked a cute little hair bow for her hairstyle.

This is the necklace we found on our date night at Charming Charlie's...it was perfect!

She was so happy afterwards...she said it felt so special!

She was actually standing on her tiptoes to get taller in this pic...hahaha

Everything went so beautifully. Red Three even read one of the prayers during the Mass. She did a great job! Then it was time to head home to celebrate Papa's birthday! I had grabbed steaks and potatoes and corn on the cob...how's that for a perfect birthday dinner for a man? lol

While waiting for the grill to heat up, David broke out one of his paintball guns. 

Red Three (I think...my memory's going!) brought me flowers

Somehow, even though it was his birthday, Dad wound up on grill duty. But, I gotta admit, the steaks came out perfectly!!! Seriously, the best steak I've had in a while!

Red Three cooling off...silly girl

It's basically the law that we always take food pics! lol

Freckles was in heaven with her steak bones!

Photobomb Buddy

After stuffing our faces, we headed outside to digest a bit before cake. We love hanging out on the front porch, especially the swing. 

Buddy got mad when I said he was a monkey boy and then that he looked like a frog...

I kept trying to catch a pic of Red Three after she fell...she really didn't want me to post any falling pics on my blog though...she said it would be too embarrassing. She's actually gotten tons better! See baby, I didn't post them :P

Finally, it was cake time. We walked into the dining room to find Buddy in front of the cake, looking utterly worn out from waiting, looking longingly at the cake.

Love how she's peeking out there.

I had made a birthday cake board on Pinterest for Dad to pick from. He'd narrowed it down to Italian Cream Cake (Pioneer Woman's version), a blackberry cake with buttercream frosting, and a chocolate cake with cream cheese filling...you can see what he finally went with ;) It was really good!

Here's the link to the recipe I used. This is for you Mom :)

Chocolate Layer Cake with Cream Cheese Filling and Chocolate Buttercream

Oh my goodness, I almost forgot, well, I totally forgot, but I almost forgot to write about it. I completely spaced and didn't put up the happy birthday sign, or streamers, or balloons, or anything!!! I couldn't believe it! I always decorate at least a little bit...:( Sorry Dad!!!

I wanted to make sure I got a good pic of Dad with the grand kids. Then of course, they all wanted to take pictures themselves...so there's sort of a revolving door of kids in the pics.

I even made him take a selfie with me! I think this might be my absolute favorite picture of us!

Happy Birthday Dad!!! Love ya!