Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Day 18 - Dental Woes, Honesty and Fears

This morning all four of the kids had their checkups at the dentist. It's always nice when they can get all of them in at the same time...less trips for me. Talk about sticker shock though! I just about cried when she told me what my balance was...470.00! Ouch! How on earth is that the total after insurance? I mean, my cleaning usually costs me about $40 out of pocket! Plus about that much more to pay for 3 kids with cavities later on! I was so mad at them...well, mainly at one kid (who shall remain nameless) who had three! Are you serious?!?!?!? When I tell you every single day to brush your teeth, floss, and go to bed...and all you hear is go to bed? I was livid! I showed her the bill, hopefully that drove my point home. That is NOT acceptable! It's not like I have the time to stand over you every night...you should be just fine at this point in your life! I literally was about to cry in the middle of the dental office! Thank God that David is a member of the Poarch Band of Creek Indians, and they give him a pre-loaded flex card every year for medical expenses. I'd have been totally up a creek so many times without that thing! Seriously! It's paid for MRIs, dental bills, prescriptions...etc...I am so thankful for it!

After I got all the kids to school afterwards, I headed home...to mow...again. lol...I actually don't mind mowing too much...makes me feel like I worked out. And I only do the front yard. I probably wouldn't like it if I did all of it...I know I wouldn't like it...I used to do all of it! It's a lot of yard! Anyways, one of our trees is in full bloom...just beautiful! I do love spring blossoms!

I really don't remember seeing these purple blooms before! lol...it was a nice surprise in a little corner of my backyard.

So I am gonna be completely honest with y'all. Thankfully, most of the time I have peace and confidence that no matter what happens, God is with us, and we will be OK. I am able to trust and keep my joy. But there is one thing that almost always trips me up. I have a deep seated fear that financially we aren't going to be alright. I'm able to trust that we will be taken care of spiritually, emotionally, as a family, etc, etc...but when it comes to money, I am literally just terrified. I am able to look back over the last five years, which honestly, have not been the easiest financially, and see how God has provided for us...constantly, in ways both expected and completely surprising. And yet...I still fear. It's been 5 months since David worked. It's scary, wondering if you're gonna be able to keep a roof over your kids heads, or feed them...etc... I know that it's an area that I need to work on, I keep trying to turn it over to Him, and trust Him...but still I struggle.

Last week, we got a completely unexpected windfall...received a statement from David's benefit account and his work had deposited a little money there a couple months ago that we were completely unaware of. Boom...awesome! But still...I worry. Then today, I'm fixing to go grocery shopping, trying not to worry...literally an hour before I'm gonna leave, I get a grocery gift card in the mail, totally unexpectedly, from a friend from bible study. I just laughed, like, OK God, I get it. You are taking care of us. You've been taking care of us. You'll keep taking care of us.

And then a couple hours later, guess what? Yeah, I'm freaking terrified again! Ugh...So this week's subject at my women's bible study is completely appropriate...it was prayer strategy for my fears. Ha! Yes, God has a sense of humor. So, this week, as I did the homework, it didn't emotionally affect me at all...I was just, la di da, this is great, whatever...did it. Then I get there tonight...wow...so emotional! But I was able to be completely honest with the other ladies...usually I'm like, "I'm fine. I'm good. What can ya do?" You know, keeping my head high, not wanting to admit things suck sometimes. Today, I was like, "I am so terrified. I am having a hard time." It was liberating, but of course, waterworks...I'm talking snot everywhere!!! lol...But in our small group, we broke up and prayed for each other. It was such a wonderful experience. Of course, it's awkward to have people pray for you specifically, but when you're desperate, you don't care! I so appreciate that I have a church home where I can be honest, will be loved, and will be prayed for deeply and powerfully. It was so good...I felt such a weight lifted. I know that I'll continue to struggle with this fear, and probably others...but I am going to continue to bring it before the Lord every time, not try to figure it out on my own. And I am so grateful for the wonderful sisters in Christ that he has placed in my life. You ladies are awesome! Thank you ♥

Today's gray! David liked my shirt...he said I looked very "Indiany" :) 
terrible lighting, but you can kinda see the fringe.
And my awesome sandals...I got lots of compliments on these...I love them! Although, I really need to use my pedicure gift certificate that Julie got me! woohoo, can't wait!